Friday, March 9, 2012

Why Are You Still Single?

Image: All the Good Ones AREN'T Taken book cover,
Being single shouldn't be a burden. Spreading this belief remains to be one of the driving forces in maintaining this blog. However, we are very much aware that society equates happiness and success not only to a stable career but also to a  steady relationship with a special someone.

We have probably lost count of how many times we've been asked about our relationship status. Because of the pressure, what gives more discomfort than revealing we're unattached is answering the follow-up question, "Why?" Many of us often just give off an embarrassed smile and blindly accept accusations of being picky and idealistic (watch out for an upcoming article to tackle this issue!).  But seriously, aside from constant ranting sessions with friends about how hard it is to find "The One," have we really thought the situation through? Have we sat down and reflected on what the possible reasons could be that we're still single (that is if you're seeking to be in a relationship)
A random find at a local bookstore helped shed some light on this. The title All the Good Ones AREN'T Taken (Change the Way You Date and Find Lasting Love) was quick to catch our attention (not to mention the book had a chocolate truffle on its cover!) and give some semblance of hope. What kept us reading through it was the author's interesting classifications of unhappy singles. 

Click Read more to continue
It takes thorough reading of the psychological analyses and specific examples of the author to best identify which type of behavior you're engaging in that influences your being single. However, we'd like to share with you her eight classifications based on behavioral patterns. Before you head out and purchase the book packed with practical tips on how to address issues or repetitive barriers, check out if you can relate to one of these personalities. Identification alone may actually spark ideas on possible ways to address the issues on your own.

Listed down below are the eight classifications based on Amazon's concise descriptions. We've also included a few questions that may help you in identifying which personality you can relate to.

Are you...
? (always longing for the one she can't have and unable to move forward) 
  • Do you seek the unattainable ones and often feel fixated to this attachment that you don't feel open to new relationships? 
? (constantly dates but never finds a fulfilling, permanent relationship) 
  • Is your dating and social life active yet your connections with people seem to lack depth?
? (rarely dates and has a difficult time relating to men on an intimate level) 
  • Are you overly shy or too old-fashioned to interact with men? Are you uneasy or conscious being around them?
(gets involved with emotionally unavailable men who may be married or already have a girlfriend)
  •  Do you find yourself attracted to men who are already taken? Do you find it exciting to sneak into a secret relationship with an unattainable guy?
the COMPASSIONATE RESCUER? (always dates the guy who has problems, putting her energy into “fixer-upper” boyfriends)
  • Do you find yourself hoping a guy would change for you? or that you'll be good enough to actually influence a guy and have him turn his problems around?
the WANDERER? (just one man is not enough to fill the void, so she always has a lover or potential boyfriend on the side)
  • Do you find it difficult to be a one-man woman? Do you feel that different needs or wants can only be fulfilled by multiple partners?
the UPTOWN GIRL? (only attracted to men with money, prestige, and looks) 
  • Realistically, are your standards based on the superficial stuff? Are you easily impressed when showered with expensive gifts? Do you find yourself drawn toward trophy boyfriend material?
the RUNAWAY BRIDE? (good at relationships until asked to commit – then finds a way to end the relationship, pronto) 
  • Are you a commitment phobe? Is it suffocating for you to just commit to a single person?
Take your pick and get rid of excuses. No matter which category you fall under, it's not very hard to figure out the basic steps that need to be done. The listing above just paves the way for us to get to know ourselves better. It's a simple way of making us realize that there must be something we're doing (either consciously or unconcsciously) that greatly affects our dating or relationship status. Aside from knowledge of our personality types, the key to changing our fate largely depends on:
1) acceptance of truth
2) openness to change and 
3) willingness to reverse recurring wrong behavior

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